Funk-N-Fiction

There are few things as universal as a person’s love for their pets, and “cat people” are certainly a proud and plentiful group. Today, #CMCon23 Featured Author Cynthia St Aubin shares some special “furbaby moments” in honor of National Cat Day!

Hello and happy National Cat Day!!

Here in the St. Aubin household, pretty much every day is cat day as we are the proud owners of Miss Patches, aka, Cave Troll or Baby Dragon, a nearly twenty-year-old Very Vocal black cat, and Mr. Sammy, a.k.a Muppet or Muppy, a mountain lion-sized Siamese who we adopted after my grandmother passed. These are only the two most recent in the long line of cats I’ve been owned by over the years, beginning with the esteemed gentleman who first stole my heart in my childhood home. Two Sox.

Because you see, Two Sox was the cat whereby I discovered my very favorite thing about cat ownership: the quirks. When I began writing the Tails from the Alpha Art Gallery series, I knew I wanted our intrepid heroine Hanna to be a crazy cat lady, and I shamelessly leveraged many of the quirks my own furbabies had displayed over the years when constructing her three feline roommates.

So, in honor of National Cat Day, please enjoy this curated collection of my favorite Two Sox quirks!

The Ambush: Two Sox simply knew, without question, that he was lord and master of our house growing up. Our insistence on introducing unworthy companions into his realm proved to be someone disconcerting to him, though he deigned to allow himself to play amusing games with his unworthy wards. One of these was “The Ambush.” Two Sox often preferred to take his leisure on the dining room table. This locale had the added benefit of allowing him to observe the approach of his dim-witted canine co residents, who on occasion (being far less intelligent than himself) would amuse themselves by doing laps around the table. This behavior, of course, providing Two Sox the opportunity to wait until said dog came racing around and perform a graceful leap onto their passing back. Typically, this elicited a reaction rather similar to having lit the dog’s ass on fire.

The Ambush 2: Being the well-rounded and open minded individual that he was, Two Sox was not so shallow as to limit himself to hunting from the dining room table. Indeed, he wisely took advantage of seasonal opportunities as well. One method of doing this was to conceal himself amongst the foliage at the bottom of the Christmas tree. Hidden in the shadows afforded by the lower branches, Two Sox would then lay in wait for a passing dog, or foot, and erupt from his concealment in a gray streak of feline claws, teeth, and fury. Being also benevolent, as well as skilled, he typically allowed his quarry to escape after minor scratches an abrasions, such was his self-control.

The Refined Palate: An epicure of the highest order, Two Sox did not limit himself to canned cat food or dried pellets for sustenance. Indeed no. He was a cat who enjoyed something sweet to tempt the palate. Some of his favorites included a nibble of strawberry Pop-Tarts, Twizzlers, or the very occasional marshmallow. Such was the refinement of his tongue, that he preferred to take only one bite from each marshmallow, knowing of course (as all experts do) that after one bite has been taken, the flavor and texture of said marshmallow has been hopelessly compromised and must then be discarded in whatever manner one sees fit. Which is exactly what he did do, all across the living room carpet, where his minions would collect them and dispose of them, as is their station.

The Games: As I mentioned before, Two Sox was a great hunter, a strategist. Such skills, like claws, must be kept sharp, honed, and ready to kill. But how does one hone such skills when entrapped with lesser beings? Simple. War games. Through a series of subliminal prompts, Two Sox taught his subjects to help him hone these skills by pitching him ice cubes from the freezer. Upon hearing the freezer door open, Two Sox stealthily maneuvered himself into the sink, only his eyes above the rim, waiting for his practice quarry. Seeing him hunkered down, the subject would then toss the bit of ice slightly above his head, affording him the opportunity to spring into action, swatting his target with deadly accuracy. Through such preparations, he could be assured that when the time came, he would be ready and able to kill. Sudden death, served chilled.

The aliases: Wisely, an assassin of Two Sox’s order had many aliases in order to keep his true identity a secret. Some of these included: Toxy, Soxy, Mr. Kitty, Mr. Sprinkles, Puddles, Soxo, and Keeton. It is believed that he survived as long as he did through the operation of his closely kept identity. A cat of mystery, to the very end.

If you’d like to join Cynthia and a whole slew of fellow readers and awesome authors for a weekend of bookish shenanigans by the beach… you should DEFINITELY check out the Coastal Magic Convention. February 23-26, 2022 in Daytona Beach, Florida, Cynthia and I will be there with everyone for discussion panels, meet & greets, chill time, and a big book signing. **Masks will be required for the duration of the event.** We’d love to see you there!! http://CoastalMagicConvention.com