Funk-N-Fiction

A Halloween Flash Fiction event author staple… Lisa Kessler is back to celebrate the holiday with a visit to some of her fan favorite immortal pirates from The Sentinels of Savannah Series!! (And don’t miss your chance to win a cool prize, after the story!!)

Pirate Pumpkin Carving – a Pirate’s Paradox short
By Lisa Kessler

Caleb Graves didn’t look a day over thirty-five, but in reality, he was alive when the stories of Stingy Jack outsmarting the Devil first surfaced. Over the years, the tradition of carving scary faces into turnips and pumpkins evolved. Initially it was believed to ward off evil spirits while the veil between the living and the dead thinned, but these days Caleb wasn’t sure most people had ever heard the old stories.

As a man of science, he’d never given any weight to the idea of ghosts or magic or anything in the metaphysical realm. But since he’d fallen for Diana, her gifts with spells and magic had not opened his mind a bit. Her psychic gifts weren’t something he could explain with science, and their trip to the bottom of the ocean to meet the Atlanteans face to face had shaken everything he thought he knew about this world.

But he still wasn’t convinced a pumpkin could keep the devil away. The jack o’lantern carving was really just a Halloween party distraction. The entire crew was in on his plan, along with Diana’s parents. He’d proposed to her months ago, but he’d done it so spontaneously that he hadn’t had a ring or even asked for her parents’ blessing.

Diana had said yes, and claimed his proposal had been perfectly heartfelt, but she was his goddess, and he wanted the whole world, or at least his crew and future in-laws, to know how much she meant to him.

Halloween was her favorite holiday, so with the blessing of her parents, he’d gotten to work plotting and planning this Halloween party on board the Sea Dog in order to propose properly this time. Her parents, Anita and Issac owners the Williams Southern Kitchen restaurant, agreed to partner with One-Eyed Bob, the ship’s cook, to cater the event. Between the award-winning fried chicken and Bob’s legendary hush puppies, the food was handled.

A woman with pale skin and silver hair approached him with a warm smile. “Diana makes an amazing pirate.”

“She’s always stunning.” He smiled at Heather. “Do you think she suspects anything?”

Heather and Char were in charge of costuming for the night, and keeping Diana busy, while Caleb got his entrance worked out.

“I don’t think so” She glanced at the stairs leading to the lower decks. “Char is having her help with Michelle’s garb now.”

Michelle was Diana’s best friend. He swore her to secrecy about the engagement too.

“Good.” Caleb held up his fully carved pumpkin. It didn’t have a face, instead it read, Will you marry me? “What do you think?”

Heather studied it and called her husband, Drake over. She pointed to the pumpkin. “He’s going to need a lighter or she won’t be able to read what it says.”

Drake kissed her temple and smiled at Caleb as he reached into the pocket of his worn leather pants. He handed Caleb a lighter. “Here ye go, mate. “I’ve got the lines wrapped around the capstan to pull you up. We’re ready when you are.”

“Thanks.” Caleb took the lighter. “I’ll be right there.” He looked at Heather. “Keep her busy for another ten minutes.”

“Will do.” She headed back below deck, and Caleb walked to the starboard side, peering over the railing at the dark water of the Savannah River below.

Familiar heavy footsteps approached before a heavy hand squeezed his shoulder. “Relax, navigator.”

He looked over at Captain Flynn and smirked. “She’s already agreed to marry me. Why am I so nervous?”

“Because you’re over-thinking everything.” Flynn had on the weathered frock coat he’d worn centuries ago when they’d plundered the Holy Grail. His boots were polished and his broadsword and pistol hung from each hip. No one would guess he was now a commercial real estate mogul. At least not tonight.

Tonight, he was the pirate captain they’d all sworn their allegiance to over two hundred years ago. He gave Caleb a firm pat on the back. “Love is a treacherous sea, mate. You can’t navigate the heart, just surrender to it.”

He made it sound simple. Caleb placed the jack o’lantern on the railing before kicking his leg over. Once his feet were planted firmly on the plank, he picked up the pumpkin and met Flynn’s eyes. “I want her to feel the way I do when I see her smile at me.”

Flynn arched a brow. “You could tell her that.”

Caleb rolled his eyes and allowed his true piratical accent to color his voice. “Words are not my strength, Captain. Ye know this better than most.”

“Just don’t make the lass follow ye to the bottom of the sea again, mate.” Flynn joined Drake at the iron capstan. “When Keegan starts singing the blackbird song, we’ll hoist ye up.”

They wrapped the lines around their hands and slowly moved around the vertical iron axel of the capstan, lowering Caleb until he could no longer see the main deck.

He lifted the top off the pumpkin and pulled out the lighter. With the candle lit, he replayed his well-practiced speech in his head, but it seemed the more he tried to whisper the words, the harder it became to remember them. He’d planned every aspect of tonight, right down to the song Keegan, the ship’s pilot and lead singer of The Scallywags, would sing.  

He’d considered a grand entrance like Flynn had done when he married Lily on the main deck. The captain had swung in from the lines of the main sail like the fictional pirates did in the movies. Although he’d almost landed on his arse, the bastard still made it look smooth.

Caleb had no desire to climb up the riggings. But with the help of Drake, the ship’s carpenter, they had some lines wrapped around the capstan to lower him down on the careener’s plank. Instead of scraping barnacles off the side of the Sea Dog, he was waiting for the cue to be hoisted up to the main deck for his entrance.

He patted his pocket, reassuring himself again that the ring was there as his ancient heart raced with anticipation. The captain’s advice whispered back through his mind. Maybe he was right.


Just as he began to doubt himself again, Keegan’s voice came through. Blackbird singing the dead of night…

The lines groaned as he started to ascend. Too late for second guessing himself now.

Caleb peered over the railing as Keegan sang, “You were only waiting for this moment to arise…”

Diana’s gaze locked on his as her jaw dropped. Dressed in her pirate regalia, she took his breath away. Her thin braids cascaded over her bare shoulders, while the leather corset hugged her full cleavage. She took a step toward him with questioning eyes. The slit in her ivory peasant skirt exposed her shapely thigh, and his pistol hung from one hip and his treasured spyglass from the other.

She broke eye contact, reading the jack o’lantern he’d already forgotten he was holding. As Keegan finished the song, Caleb stepped aboard the main deck and approached his beautiful Diana.

She grinned. “I already told you yes.”

“True.” He got down on one knee and took the box from his pocket. “But now I have a ring worthy of your finger.” He looked over at her parents and back to her face. “And your parents gave me their blessing too.”

He held his breath and cracked open the box to show her the ring. “Will you marry me, Diana Williams?”

Her eyes widened as she took the ring from the velvet pillow. “Is this…” She met his eyes. “It looks like…”

He nodded slowly. “I had two Orichalcum bars left.” He had thought he had three bars of the rare Atlantean metal, but he must’ve lost the third when the massive tempest threatened to swallow the Sea Dog.

She studied the braided band of the ring. The light glinted of the fiery red-gold topped with an antique pearl at the center that he’d repurposed from some of his plunder from one of Queen Isabella’s ships. He didn’t consider himself an artistic man, but he hoped the ring would convey his feelings. She was one of a kind, just like the ring on her finger.

“It’s perfect.” Her eyes sparkled as she lifted her gaze to his face and nodded. “Yes.”

He grinned as he slid the ring onto her finger.

Behind him Captain Flynn bellowed, “Answer like the pirate ye are, Lass.”

Diana laughed as she shouted, “Aye! Caleb Graves, I accept yer proposal.”

Cheers rang out across the ship and he drew her into his arms, pressing his lips to hers. His immortal heart pounded as he pulled back and lost himself in her eyes. “Are you ready to plan a wedding?”

“I hope you won’t mind…But I already did.” Her smile widened.

His brow shot up. “I don’t understand.”

“You asked me to marry you months ago, baby.”

He lifted his head to find his entire crew on the right side of them, while Diana’s parents and Michelle were on the left. He looked at Diana again. “I still don’t understand.”

Captain Flynn stepped in front of them with a smarmy grin. “Isn’t it obvious? We played you both. While our navigator planned a surprise engagement, Diana was also planning a surprise Halloween wedding.” He scanned the crew and her family. “We were all sworn to secrecy so we couldn’t tell either of you what the other had plotted.”

Duke came to Caleb’s side and popped open a velvet box. Inside sat two simple orichalcum bands. Duke grinned. “Seems Diana is a fine pirate after all.”

Caleb chuckled and turned to his betrothed. “You took the other bar.”

She nodded and held up her left hand, brandishing her new engagement ring. “Apparently great minds think alike.”

Caleb laughed and spun her around in his arms. “Happy Halloween, my love.”

“I love you.” She whispered as he placed feet back on the deck her beside him. “Let’s get married.”

Happy Halloween from the Immortal Pirate crew!